This time last week I was a ball of nerves. Yes, the stress and anticipation of the trip started on Monday. Nervous wreck. We took this picture on the way to Florida. Do we look big stressed or little stressed? Haha!
I had many questions and so many fears. What if she doesn’t like us? What if we don’t like her? What if she hates the name we picked out? Will she let us in the delivery room? What if she changes her mind? What if the lawyer is rude? I tried my best to pray these concerns away. My head was spinning and I was sick on my stomach! I was so nauseous I made Andy let me drive. Even in the dark.
Thursday night we arrived in Jacksonville Beach around 9:30pm. Our hotel was oceanfront so we opened the door to the balcony and fell asleep to the sound of crashing waves. Something about the beach instantly relaxes me, so, being there could not have been more perfect.
Friday morning I woke refreshed and surprisingly calm (compared to the last few days). Andy was nervous though. We arrived at the lawyer’s office around 8:50am and was pleasantly surprised to be greeted by the most down to earth, personable lawyer. She was lovely. Prayer answered.
Around 9:15am, they announced birth mom “C” had arrived with her boyfriend. My heart was beating out of my chest. They came in and sat down as we started to eat breakfast. Within minutes I felt completely comfortable with them. Prayer answered.
As we talked, Kim (the lawyer), facilitated questions towards “C” to get her to answer many questions we had. It was a smooth conversation and “C” was very candid – which I very much appreciate. We talked about their concerns and tried to address them as much as we could. We asked if they felt comfortable with us being in the delivery room and they were happy to accept that request. Prayer answered.
“C’s” boyfriend was particularly impressive. I could read his heart right away. He loves this baby so much even though he is not sure if he is the father. I am not sure if DNA even matters with him. He loves her. They both do. They love her so much and this has been a very hard decision to make. They simply are unable to give this baby the life she deserves. They love her deeply but know this is the best decision. Andy and I both feel confident that “C” and her boyfriend feel good about their decision. We were able to get to know them without judgement and see straight into their heart. Prayer answered.
Just before we were leaving, “C’s” boyfriend asked what names we were considering. Andy explained that we had always had the name ‘Savannah Grace’ picked out but later had to reconsider after a college friend of his named her daughter ‘Savannah Grace’. He went on to say after we were matched we decided to keep Savannah but use the middle name “Leigh”. Both of their faces lit up. “C” said, “Leigh is my middle name!!” Her boyfriend said, “Leigh was the middle name we wanted for her!” and “C” followed up with, “My mom was going to name me Savannah! All girls in my family have names that end with ‘ah’!” We were in awe. They love the name. They said, “It’s perfect!” Prayer answered.
At 10:30am we left the lawyer’s office to go to the sonogram. When we arrived I was worried that “C” would feel uncomfortable about us being there. But she wasn’t. We watched in amazement as the sonographer showed us our baby girl. She told us she has a head full of curly hair. Funny, I have always wanted a little girl with curly hair. I was really worried I would lose it in there so I had to pretend like I was on an interpreting assignment like I have experienced on numerous occasions. That kept my tears in check. It was hard. The time watching the sonogram was the most precious few minutes. I was given pictures and a cd before we left. We departed with hugs. A bond was forming. You guessed it, prayer answered.
On Saturday, we drove to “C’s” house to pick her up for us to have manicures. When we arrived we were able to see her boyfriend again, meet her 3 precious kids, the family dog and her best friend. They were all amazing. The kids are beautiful. We got our nails done and had the most amazing conversation. She expressed how much she wants to know this baby will be safe and loved. I tried to tell her as best I could. She showed me pics of her kids when they were born and told me all about her family and the hard life she has experienced thus far. She shared with me that she “just knew” when she opened our profile that we were the ones. Same with her boyfriend and her mom. They “just knew”. Although we did not talk about it, I do not think we have the same faith. I do know that she and her family know that this arrangement is more than coincidence. She said, “Its fate”.
I am amazed at how God works. By now I shouldn’t be, He has done so much for me, but every time He just….knocks my socks off. I am amazed. As we talked I could almost hear Him tell me, “I love ‘C’, I want you to love her too.” And if I am honest, it is almost as if she heard the same thing. Because without her telling me, I think she loves us too.
Driving out of Florida I had a flood of emotions run through me. I still have many. On one hand my heart is broken for this hard decision that ‘C’ is making. Even though I cannot imagine what she is going through or the amount of strength it is taking to do this, it will be heartbreaking for her to hand over her child to me. It will hurt her. That hurts me. On the other hand, I am also very happy. I am happy this is actually happening. And happy we will soon (very soon) be having our own little girl to raise – a baby we have desired and prayed many years to have. There is always a chance that “C” could change her mind. She has until 48 hours after delivery to do so. That is a chance we are willing to take. It is scary, yes. But I have learned that God works ALL things for good and that no matter the end result, we have met some great people that will forever be in our thoughts and prayers.
Step one complete.
We cannot thank everyone enough for your continued prayers, messages and support. Many have sent cards and even money. We are beyond grateful.
Prayer request:
“C” is having a hard time sleeping. Pray she will be able to rest so that she is able to care for her children and herself.
Pray Savannah continues to grow healthy and strong.
Pray for “C” and her boyfriend’s heart as they grieve the loss of a daughter
Pray for “C’s” 8yr old daughter, “J”. She knows mommy is pregnant and wants a sister so bad. “C” is worried how this will affect her.
Pray for me and Andy. For continued peace and trust in the plan – no matter the outcome.
Pray for provision.