For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” – Isaiah 41:13
I must admit, I haven’t stretched my hand to be held too much lately. In the midst of the excitement of being matched, meeting the birth mom and her family, finding the remainder of the money we need, and all of the millions of other things going on to get ready for Savannah, I have found myself battling fear. Yes, fear - that pesky little devil. You might would think at a time like this I would be on “cloud 9”, oh the contrary. I have allowed myself to doubt and to wallow in “What if’s” for the past couple of weeks.
What if…..the birth mom decides she wants to raise her baby?
What if…..we are not able to come up with the last bit of money?
What if…..Savannah is born unhealthy?
The “what if’s” were endless. It was weighing me down. Finally, I realized I was spending wayyyy more time worrying about things than I was praying about them. After all this time you would think I would know better. I knew I needed to take control over my thoughts, my “what if” worries. Immediately Romans 8:28 came to mind – “And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” I decided to take these “What if” worries and answer them with what God says in this verse…
What if…..the birth mom decides she wants to raise her baby? GOD IS GOOD – HE WILL WORK IT FOR GOOD
What if…..we are not able to come up with the last bit of money? GOD IS GOOD – HE WILL WORK IT FOR GOOD
What if…..Savannah is born unhealthy? GOD IS GOOD – HE WILL WORK IT FOR GOOD
After battling these fears with God’s truth, the clouds of doubt started to drift away. Mercies really are new every morning. Repeating this truth over and over in my head started to give me so much peace. Finally I am able to really be 100% joyful about this adoption! Now, when I am asked if I am excited I don’t answer “Yes, but I will be more excited 48 hours after she is born. She isn’t mine yet.” And instead I answer, “Yes! We are VERY excited!” Ah, freedom. Ladies and gentlemen, there IS power in the name of Jesus!!
This weekend was amazing. Andy and I traveled to Laurinburg to visit family and friends. On Friday I visited my forever friend, Keli Locklear, at her salon (Nu Bella) where she treated me to some much needed highlights and made me feel like a million bucks! I promise she is one of the most generous people I know. Afterwards, Andy and Dad picked me up so we could meet my sister and her boyfriend, David, for dinner to celebrate Dad's birthday. On Saturday night Andy and I enjoyed a wonderful Valentine’s Day dinner at my Uncle John’s restaurant, Rocking Pig BBQ. IT. WAS. DELICIOUS. (And not because I am bias - hehe)
The biggest treat came on Sunday morning when Andy and I attended my parent’s church, New Hope Baptist. From the minute we walked in the door we were greeted one after another by folks congratulating us, praying for us, and giving us cards. Talk about a warm welcome! There is something to be said about being in a small town. More love than I could imagine was right there in that sanctuary. At New Hope, a group of folks make prayer blankets for people in need. They make the blanket, pray over it, and then deliver it. It is an amazing ministry that they provide. I am sure they bring much comfort and peace to those in need of it. Thoughtfully, they made Savannah a sweet little blanket! We had the honor of praying over it as a family and a church on Sunday morning. The Holy Spirit was so strong in that church Sunday morning I could have jumped pews – (and I am not even Pentecostal- ha). It was the most amazing gift. I can't wait to wrap her up in it knowing it was bathed in prayer just for her. Pastor Malpass prayed specifically for all of the things I have personally been worried about and he followed up with a sermon that included none other than Romans 8:28! God always knows.
After church we went to lunch with Andy’s family followed by a wonderful baby shower hosted by my mom and cousin, Katherine Clark. It was such a wonderful time. So many people came to wish us congratulations and to celebrate with us. We are beyond blessed. Needless to say I was able to fully and whole-heartedly rejoice this weekend in freedom of the “what if’s”. Thank you Jesus for it all!
As I look back over the verse I posted in the beginning, Isaiah 41:13, I am thankful He never lets go of my hand. I might clinch my fist from time to time but He never lets go. Never.
So, you may be asking, what if the birth mom changes her mind? I don’t think she will BUT if she does I know it will hurt like I have never felt before and we will grieve because of that loss. However, I also know that HE IS A GOOD GOD and He will make ALL things work for the good of those who love Him. ALL things. Even the “what ifs”
Thank you, Jesus. Thank you for the good, the bad and the ugly for they all can be used to show your glory and love.
WHERE ARE WE IN THE PROCESS?
Step one, two and three have been completed! We have been to Florida, completed our Homestudy Renewal, and have all of the supplies we need in preparation for Savannah’s arrival!
Step Four is “C” goes into labor and I don’t think we will have long to wait for that to happen!!! She is already 1cm dilated and with this being her 4th we may have a baby girl in our life sooner than later! Once we arrive in Florida we are planning to remain there for 2 weeks.
Prayer request:
- Continued trust in God’s guidance
- Continued financial provision for the remainder amount (Thank you to all who have gifted us!! We pray that gift will be returned tenfold!)
- Relationship between us and birth mom to continue to build
- Safe and smooth delivery
- Healthy/happy baby
- Safe travels
- Work schedules to allow time off
- Physical/emotional rest
- Sickness in our family to be healed